Whenever I thought I can lean my back on you, it because you are the one who understand me well, back than.
But, today, whenever I thought you would lend me your shoulder, for me to stand still, you were no longer there. And somehow, it doesn't feel right. Yet, slowly we make things clear.
I wonder if the world could understand 'us' as we never find the 'real happiness' together. We may act silly and leads to trouble, later we become closer like a child who never think about the consequences. I can be the biggest troublemaker yet troublesome. I can be like a cotton candy that melt people's heart.
But, I just want to be a good girl, which even if I trying so hard, at the end. Still (I couldn't).
People used to talk something that might hurt other either they realize or not, I wonder if I did the same thing; to you, to the people I love, to other human being, to myself?
I just want to be normal, and free.
How I wish 'love story' could be more easier and simple, thus we are not going to fight again and again. Day by day, I feel at ease. I found a small 'peace'. I did treated myself the way I want. I've rewarded myself with something I never thought I could. But, at the end of the night.
I feel something is missing. Is is you? Or my true self?
Am I pretending to be like 'other' as they want?
Am I doing it right?
I just can't even differentiate between both. I learn few things after going for a couple of time of broken hearts; I learn to forgive but I don't know how to forget, I learn to gives but I don't know how to takes, and the most crucial is, I learn how to act as other want me to be but I don't know how to be just like I used before.
I know, I am pathetic girl. But that's the only for me to make other happy and satisfied. I just can sacrifice all the things I have.
I used to told myself, every single night "Farewell, you can do far better tomorrow"